Last night, as I was dosing off and thinking about my writing habits (or lack thereof) I had a realization. The only time that I truly complete a writing project I’ve had in mind is when I have a deadline. Not just an arbitrary deadline, but a deadline set in place by another person. And not just any person, but someone I admire and respect.
While I was completing my Bachelor’s, I would stay up for days on end to ensure I not only completed my writing assignments (be they scripts, essays, presentations, etc), but that they were perfected to exhaustion and in their best form. Last year I had a meeting with a really cool screenwriter, who asked me to send him some of my ideas. I drafted up three show concepts, created pitches for them, and sent them his way.
I’ve always been motivated to create for others. Serving others through my talents is my main motivator and what keeps me going even when things seem impossible. But I don’t have to self-discipline and structure on my own to give me the momentum I need to bring the big change that I want in my life. I realized last night amidst my thoughts: I need someone to answer to.
I reflected on those who compelled me into feeling the necessity, the hunger and desperation to pour myself into projects and see them through to completion. They were people who I looked up to professionally–poets, directors, passionate professors–and also those I look to emotionally–mentors, grandparents, friends. The struggle now lies within my limited communication with these types of people, such that it appears I’m on my own and only have myself to answer for, when if I really examine it, that’s not true at all. I still have to answer to those people: to their reputations as professionals and how their success is reflected through my work. And to their fulfillment as loved ones who have instilled the proper values, work ethic and encouragement for me to reach that next level they dream to see me at. If I can just keep it in my mind that whatever action I do or do not take has a direct impact on those people… it seems more tangible to me to get my shit together and #makeithappen.
I’m still sorting through these thoughts, in fact this post itself is a warmup to knocking out some important work for a project I am desperate to bring to life. When in doubt, I must reflect on everyone who has gotten me this far, and make sure that I can take myself to a place where I can come back around and give them proper thanks for that.